I Don't Owe My Younger Self Anything

For a long time, I lived by the statement "Be the person your younger self would be proud of." And for a long time I thought that was a good plan. But recently, I was reading 101 Essays to Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest and in one of the essays she wrote,

"You owe nothing to your younger self. You are not responsible for being the person you once thought you'd be. But you do owe something to the adult you are today."

Those words swirled around in my head over the next few days and then it hit me. I had been putting so much pressure on myself by trying to be someone my younger self would be proud of that I wasn't living how I truly wanted to live.

I was focusing so much on the things I tried over the years that didn't work out.

I quit playing the violin when I was younger. I quit ballet because I had a lot of joint issues as a kid. I quit swimming for the same reason.

I started college as a psychology major with the plan of becoming a child psychologist, but now I'm getting my PhD in Criminal Justice.

I wanted to work in corrections, but then worked at a juvenile facility and quickly realized that wasn't the job for me. Then I worked as a domestic violence victim advocate until I went back to school.

Then I realized that working in academia wasn't for me so I started venturing into entrepreneurship and creatorship.

If I sat with my thoughts long enough, I would start feeling like I was failing my younger self. None of the things I was trying were working out and I was feeling like that meant I wasn't really good at anything. I wasn't working toward something that younger me would be proud of.

I wasn't feeling any sort of deep, all-consuming regret, but an underlying sense that I had let little Rychelle down.

I was holding onto all these versions of myself—these past ambitions—as if I owed them something. As if the younger, less-experienced versions of me knew best. As if changing course is a betrayal instead of the most natural result of growing up.

Holding Onto False Narratives

I used to believe that changing my mind meant failing. I thought that if I let go of an old dream, it meant I had given up. But what I've realized is that my younger self had no idea what my life would actually feel like. She was dreaming based on limited experiences. She couldn't possibly know what I would grow to love, what I would struggle with, or what new passions I would discover along the way.

And yet, for so long, I let that younger version of me have an outsized influence on my present. I was holding onto outdated definitions of success, measuring myself against goals I set when I barely knew who I was, let alone who I would become.

Like the artist who stays in a corporate job they hate because it funds the lifestyle they once imagined they'd have.

Or the entrepreneur who forces themselves to stick with a business they've outgrown because pivoting feels like failure.

Or the person who pushes themselves to "have it all" because they once promised they would never compromise.

But who are we really living for when we do this? The person we were, or the person we are?

Giving My Present Self the Driver's Seat

At some point, I had to ask myself: What if I stopped trying to make my younger self proud and started focusing on what makes my present self come alive?

My present self has lived through experiences my younger self couldn't have imagined. My present self knows what currently energizes me, what currently drains me, what truly matters in the quiet moments—not just what sounded impressive or looked good on paper years ago.

That's not to say my past ambitions were meaningless. Younger Rychelle taught me how much fun it is to learn and the joy of creative expression. She was an essential part of my journey. But I don't owe her the rest of my life.

Letting go of old dreams doesn't mean abandoning ambition—it means allowing myself the freedom to evolve. It means embracing natural change and honoring how far I've come by acknowledging how much I've learned.

A Different Way to Measure Success

Now, when I catch myself feeling like I've let my younger self down, I remind myself: success isn't about fulfilling a promise I made to a past version of me. Success is about living in alignment with who I am now.

Instead of asking, "Would my younger self be proud of me?" I ask:

• Am I fulfilled in my life today?

• Am I choosing this path because it genuinely excites me, or just because I once said I would?

• If I were starting fresh today, knowing what I know now, would I still pick this?

These are questions I have to ask myself every single day. It can't just be something I think about once and then never think about again. Every experience I have influences how I think, how I function, and how I interact with others. Every experience changes who I am, so I have to constantly check in to see if I'm still moving in the direction my current self wants to move.

It's not always easy to let go. Sometimes, I still feel a twinge of guilt when I think about the things I once swore I'd do or be. But then I remember: I haven't failed my younger self—I've honored her by allowing myself to grow beyond her limited vision.

She imagined the best life she could, with the knowledge and experience she had at the time. Now, I get to do the same—with the wisdom I've gained along the way.

So, if you've ever felt like you've let your younger self down, I hope you'll give yourself the same permission I'm learning to give myself: the permission to evolve.

Because the truth is, we don't owe our younger selves anything.

But we do owe our present selves everything—our honesty, our courage, and the dignity of choices that honor who we've become.

Until next time,

Rychelle💜