The Ultimate Relationship Test
We live in a world full of curated experiences. First dates over coffee, dinners where we dress up and talk about safe things, movies where you don’t even have to speak. None of these are outright bad. They’re often fun and comforting ways to connect. But if you want to know whether your relationship can stand the test of time, there’s a more revealing test.
It’s not a personality quiz.
It’s not couple’s therapy.
It’s not even meeting the friends and family.
It’s a long road trip together to somewhere neither of you have been before.
That might sound extreme. Or even risky. But hear me out…
There’s something profoundly honest about putting yourselves in unfamiliar territory, both literally and figuratively. There’s a rawness that comes out when you're both out of your routines, with no social scripts or safety nets to fall back on. No meetings to escape to. Just the two of you, together, navigating the unknown.
Why a Long Road Trip is the Ultimate Relationship Test
A long, uninterrupted trip, especially to a place that’s new to you both, requires a different level of partnership. You’re not just making small talk over appetizers. You’re building a temporary little life together on the road. It reveals things in a way most other situations can’t.
Here’s why I think it works so well as a test of your connection:
1. Shared Navigation: Learning How You Work Together
When you're traveling somewhere unfamiliar, there's a constant stream of small (and sometimes big) decisions to be made: Which road should we take? Should we stop here or keep going? Where should we eat? What if the GPS glitches? Should we take a scenic detour or stay on schedule?
These questions might seem minor, but how you answer them together says a lot about how you function as a team.
You’ll need to rely on each other’s strengths and communicate through your differences. Maybe one of you is a detail-oriented planner, while the other is a go-with-the-flow kind of person. Great! That can make for a beautiful balance if you can learn to trust each other in those roles.
I remember when Corey and I went to New York City together, our GPS kept glitching while we were walking around Manhattan. It kept saying we were on a block that we weren’t and bouncing around every time we turned a corner.
Instead of getting frustrated and taking it out on each other, we took a second to regroup. We realized it wasn’t an end of the world kind of problem. We decided to try a different map app (it was actually the Pokemon Go app), which worked perfectly and we were on our way to another sushi burrito.
A long trip brings those differences to the surface fast. How you each show up in those moments when your partner is stressed or when you miss your exit tells you a lot more than a fancy date night ever could.
2. You’re Forced to Actually Talk
On a long car ride, especially if you’ve agreed to keep the headphones off and the phones mostly away, something wild happens: You talk.
Not just surface talk. Real talk. Sometimes even the kind that surprises you.
There’s something about sitting side-by-side in a car that makes it easier to go deeper. You’re not making direct eye contact, which can help some people feel safer being vulnerable. And you’ve got time. You can’t really rush a conversation when you still have three hours until your next stop.
This is where the magic happens.
You talk about childhood memories. You share embarrassing stories. You brainstorm dreams and bucket lists. You reveal the parts of yourself that might not come out in a crowded restaurant or on a weekend hike with friends.
A few of the biggest life decisions Corey and I have made over the past decade have happened during a 10+ hour car ride. But also, we’ll listen to podcasts together on road trips, which spark some really deep and interesting conversations. Before we even started dating, Corey and I both worked at a juvenile detention center where we had to sleep on the facility’s campus overnight between our shifts. He and I would walk several laps around the parking lot and walking trails to decompress. It wasn’t a car ride, but it was still uninterrupted time together where we were in motion. We got to really know each other on a deep level during those walks, which made the early stages of our dating relationship so much easier.
3. Problem-Solving is Inevitable
If you’ve ever been on a long road trip, you know things rarely go perfectly.
Maybe you get a flat tire. Maybe the Airbnb lost your reservation. Maybe you both forget to eat and snap at each other at a gas station somewhere outside Albuquerque.
Travel brings stress. That’s just part of it.
But that’s exactly why it’s such a revealing experience. How do you handle the unexpected together? Do you shut down? Blame each other? Or are you able to regroup, take a breath, laugh about it later, and find a solution?
These moments show you how resilient your relationship is. How adaptable. How kind. Not just in the good times. Anyone can be nice when everything’s smooth. But can you still be kind to each other when it’s hard, frustrating, or uncomfortable?
That’s when the truth of your dynamic emerges.
Recently, Corey and I were driving from Austin to visit family in West Virginia, which is a 17 hour car ride. We were stopping overnight in Nashville and when we were an hour from our hotel (at like 11pm after driving for 12 hours) the hotel called to tell us they were overbooked and they didn’t have a room for us. We were both incredibly tired. But we acknowledged how frustrating the situation was, said our usual “no one I’d rather go through this with than you though” and found another hotel that had a room. Now, we’ll be watching TV together and one of us will say “Hey remember that time we drove for 12 hours to Nashville only to have the hotel call and say they didn’t have a room available even though we already paid for one?” Then we’ll laugh and reminisce about the experience.
4. You're Both in the Same Boat (or Car)
One important caveat to all of this that I’ve already touched on: For the trip to be an actual test, it needs to be somewhere neither of you has been before.
Why? Because when one person is familiar with the area and the other isn’t, the dynamic shifts. The one who knows the place is more relaxed. They’re on home turf so to speak. Meanwhile, the other person is adjusting, observing, just trying to keep up in a place of complete unfamiliarity.
When you’re both new to a place, you’re both vulnerable. You’re both figuring it out as you go. It levels the playing field.
You’re not relying on one person’s knowledge or comfort. You’re co-creating an experience in real time. You’re both invited into curiosity, flexibility, and discovery.
Corey and I had fun on our first day trip to Cincinnati, but he had been there before and I hadn’t. We had fun on our first trip to Charleston, South Carolina, but I had been there before and he hadn’t. The trips we’ve had the most fun on were the trips to Philadelphia, to New York, to Austin…because it was new territory for both of us. Even the drive to Charleston was a good time because we drove on roads through states neither of us had been before. Exploring a place for the first time together is just a good time for us!
That shared uncertainty is powerful. And it’s something many couples don’t experience until years in, if ever.
5. You Create a Mini-Life Together
A trip is like a mini version of a life.
You wake up and figure out how to navigate both of you getting ready at the same time. You figure out your plan for the day. You budget time and money. You deal with annoyances like traffic, weather, and sleep deprivation. Maybe you even deal with illness together. You laugh, you argue, you see cool stuff, you get bored, you make memories.
In a condensed window of time, you live through a wide range of experiences together. And that gives you insight into the rhythms and values that shape your relationship.
Can you enjoy the small moments together? Can you laugh when you spill a drink in the car or miss your exit? Can you sit in silence without it feeling awkward? Can you give each other space and still feel connected?
This isn’t about passing a test. It’s about revealing what’s already there.
It Doesn’t Have to Be a Road Trip
I recognize that not everyone has the ability or desire to hop in a car and drive cross-country. And that’s okay.
The key ingredients aren’t the vehicle or the mileage. They’re:
Time: A decent amount of time alone together. Not just an hour long meal, or a two hour movie where you can’t even talk to each other.
Presence: Minimal distractions. No headphones, no other people to disrupt conversation or take time away from each other.
Novelty: A place neither of you have ever been or an activity neither of you have ever done.
Safety: Feeling both physically and mentally safe to be completely yourself and embrace vulnerability.
If you can find a way to spend a few uninterrupted days together doing something new like camping, staying at a cabin in the woods, taking a train somewhere, even an extended staycation where you commit to being fully present with each other, that works too.
What matters most is the container you create. One that allows you both to show up, grow, connect, and reflect. One that strips away the usual routines and lets the deeper layers come forward.
Important Note: Travel Only With Someone You Trust
Let me be clear about one thing: You should never feel like you have to travel with someone in order to prove your relationship is real or healthy. And if you don’t feel completely safe with someone physically, emotionally, or otherwise then traveling alone with them isn’t the test; it’s a risk.
If your gut says no, listen to it.
This kind of experience is for relationships that already have a foundation of mutual care, respect, and safety. It can reveal truths, deepen connection, and show you how you move through the world together. But it’s not a shortcut to intimacy. And it’s not a fix for things that already feel off.
Closing Thoughts: The Kind of Test That Doesn’t Have a Grade
Relationships don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. But they do need to be honest.
A long, uninterrupted trip together gives you a chance to see what’s underneath the surface. It shows you how you communicate together, how you problem-solve together, how you hold space for each other’s quirks and sensitivities. It can be a beautiful, bonding adventure or a clarifying moment of truth.
Either way, it’s powerful information. Not because you’re “testing” each other, but because you’re allowing yourselves to be seen more fully.
And maybe that’s the real point. Not to pass or fail. But to know, and be known, in a deeper, truer way.
A lot of people think Corey and I are insane for preferring to drive when we take a trip rather than fly. But for us, road trips are a fun adventure where we have kickass conversation, so many laughs, and continue to get to know each other even after ten years of being together.
Have you ever taken a trip that changed your relationship? Or realized something huge while navigating a new place with someone? Leave a comment and tell me about it!
Until next time,
Rychelle 💜
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Our car rides are silent! 2 hours 4 hours 6 hours 18 hours— nothing, lol. I talk a mile a minute outside of this dynamic.